WVCardClub@googlemail.com

Chip counts for the final game next Monday (September 6th) are as follows:

Chris Peros..3,750
Gideon Long..2,950
Paul Porter..2,575
Matthew Bowden..2,400
John Salmon..2,350
Paul Peros..2,125
Mark Waites..2,075
Kathryn Brown..2,000
Jim Gladwin..1,950
Andy Perrie..1,675
Nick Dobson..1,625
Joe Azipuru..1,550
Little Dick..1,450
Big Dick..1,425
James Norden..1,350
Jason Oliver..1,200

Each player will also have the option of buying 5,000 more raising chips for £50.

Kick off will be 8.10pm - It'll be a black tie affair unless you wear something more casual.

Here is the final league table. Chris Peros is our Champion and why not. League points will be converted into raising chips on a ratio of 25 chips per league point. A further 5,000 raising chips will be available to each finalist for the very reasonable sum of £50.

By my calculations which I've just done on my fingers we should have somewhere in the region of £1500 to play for if everyone claims the extra chips. You could buy 15 awesome Space Lego sets for that so it's worth playing for.

The final shootout will take place on Monday September 7th - kick-off 8.10pm.

Our penultimate game of the season was a bruising encounter one which none of us who played in it or witnessed it will forget until at least tomorrow lunch time.

Our final game will be next Monday's £30 freeze-out with buffet (£40 buy-in) after which we will have a week off. The Grand Finale will be played on September 7th. Only 9 buy-ins required to qualify for the game - each league point converted into 25 raising chips. An additional 5,000 chips can be bought on the night for a bullseye, two ponies, or just £50. IT'S UP TO YOU.

With just two games of the season remaining it's all getting so exciting I'm literally shitting tension. Who people, who will be the 2009 Windrush Valley Card Club Champion? Will Chris of Peros' chip lead be enough to see him manouever his way through the grand final field? Or will we see one of the shorties David their way past Peros' Goliath with a pokering equivalent of a sharp pebble to the eye?

In your eye you big hairy Arab bastard

A seven letter word for "attics" is of course Garrets.

Monday's game was an horrific carnage involving draws and out-draws not seen since Wild Bill Hickock was new to the game. Andy Perrie was the last man standing and this means with only three games left in the season nothing really exciting has happened as far as the league table is concerned. But this is it anyway:

As we speak we have 13 confirmed runners for the Final game in September with another 6 runners who can still make it. Those runners be: Neil of Gladding, Paul of Lazenbury, Nick of Dobson - who has not been seen since the Rosè challenge and we have heard tell of serious concern amongst his family members for his welfare, Jason of Oliver, Pete of Spedding and Monday's victor - Andy of Perrie.

If anyone has seen Nick Dobson please contact us immediately.

We're in our last month of the season people. Tonight's £5 re-buy is the first of our four remaining games and by lord it promises to be a ripsnorter. The league winner market (without Chris Peros) on Betfair is a traders dream. It's all just so bally exciting it's playing havoc with my stress incontinence.

See you all this evening. Anyone wishing to know what a ripsnorter is can see me before the game.

Season Finale and League Table update inc. July 27th £30 freeze-out

With my deepest apologies for tardiness, here is the updated league table. We have four games remaining before the Grand Finale which will be held the Monday following the August bank holiday which, if my calendar is anything like yours, will be Monday September 4th.

In order to qualify for the final you must have played at least 9 games. League points will be converted into chips using the Duckworth Lewis method, players will also have the option of purchasing 5,000 further chips for a measly £50.

Any other business

A meeting was held in my house last night between me and my conscience and it was decreed that under no circumstances will the player Richard J. Stevenson, aka, "Little Dick," aka "Golden Delicious," aka "WarBwastard," aka, "Asno" and all other aliases known or unknown, be permitted to partake in any sports or proposition wagering § or card games ‡ where English monies are staked, while under the influence of Rosè.

Any attempts by said player to place wagers or partake in card games where English monies have been or can be staked will result in the player being thrown in the river for his own good whether he can swim or not and whether he's wearing his best clothes or not.


‡- Card games in this instance is a blanket term for any game or games known at this time or unknown which involve one or a number of card or cards of a standard deck of playing card or multiple decks.

§ - Proposition wagering in this instance include all pub games, for example: Spoof, Liars Dice and olive eating competitions and certainly anything that involves darts..and all other games known or unknown - also any project, task, idea, assertion or statement that might reasonably lead to the loss of money or monies and dignity through speculation, gambling or forecasting.

Motion carried.

Tonight's game will be a £30 freeze-out - with buffet at the break. £40 buy-in - 5,000 starting chips. There will be a moment's silence before the game begins as my head still hurts from last week's Rosè challenge.

Kathryn hides her face in shame after surrendering what appeared to be an unassailable lead while an looker, oblivious to the humiliation, falls asleep.

JJ Hazen on Dragon's Den tonight asking for £65,000 to stake him in poker tournaments.  Should be interesting.  Don't fancy his chances.

It's now 9.50am on Wednesday. I just woke up. I got home and went to bed at 9am Tuesday. Dear Lord our God, if wine be the blood of Christ your son, then he needs a fucking transfusion. It's Holy alright, holy fucking shit!!

Thanks to a few sociable glasses of Rosè, I've lost a day and a half of my life. Who knows what I might have achieved in that time? The last thing I remember is busting out of the cash-game with 6 high and a little bit of poo coming out from laughing as Jimbo announced a near stampede had occurred when Kathryn had gone off to lick her wound.

I haven't had a hang-over this brutal since Vegas when I was in such poor shape I looked in the mirror and could see through me. I'm afraid I have no idea who won the tournament on Monday, or who was in it so I can't update the league table.

If anyone has seen my telephone and a grey hiking sock please let me know. I'm officially on the wagon now for at least six months. My the Lord have mercy on my soul.


Amen.

With only six or seven games left in the season, I forget which, it's all getting very very very interesting at the top of the table with Chris Peros ahead but some other people fairly close. Who will win out? Who, who?

In other news, the £5 re-buy went ahead last week, but it may be changed next month as it's a bit shit. I shall try and offer up more than a few hours notice if it does change.

Sport now, England were lucky as fuck to escape with a draw in the first test match and ruin my bet, but had to resort to underhand time wasting tactics by constantly bringing their physio onto the pitch who had disgusting man boobs.

Finally the weather, it was a bit chilly earlier.

There's been a military style coup! Consequently, tonight's £5 re-buy will almost certainly be replaced with a £30 freeze-out with a £10 bounty. Your buy-in will therefore be £42. Starting chips of 5,000. You will receive a £10 bounty for every player you bust.

Apologies for the short notice, but these uprisings typically arrive with little or no notice. We feel it's for the best though. Good luck with all your bets.

Congratulations to Twiz are in order as Keltic Lord won today at Perth leading from start to finish.

And they're off..and Keltic Lord is prominent

19 fences later - Winner!

Celebrating with a bucket of water to the cock. The horse not Twiz.
Maybe Twiz too actually, off camera though thankfully.